Truth Telling - A Delicate Part of a Child's Education - Karen Andreola

Truth Telling - A Delicate Part of a Child's Education
I was at my daughter Sophia's. She telephoned her husband. My grandson and I were close by. We couldn't help overhear something interesting Mom said to Dad. According to the neighborhood's online community group, two bear cubs were sighted in the vicinity. "That means a mother bear is somewhere nearby, too," Mom said.

I could tell my daughter secretly didn't like the idea of bears rummaging around. I didn't either. But to my 7-year-old grandson this news was exciting. Although the family are suburbanites the house feels like "country." It is backed by woods and borders an expansive Christmas tree farm. A large wooded park is not far away. "Let's keep a watch out for the bears today," my daughter said to me, "and stay close to the house."

My grandson jumped up to the picture window. "I see them! Back there in the trees! The baby bears!" he said.

I got up to have a look."Where?" I said, being mindful to not sound as pessimistic as I felt. I stood beside him at the window. "I don't see them," I said. My grandson was quiet. "You'd like to see them, wouldn't you? The truth is: they're not there," I had to add. This was spoken gently. The subject was closed. We turned our attentions elsewhere. Yet this was not the first time that during her stay, Grandma heard her grandson tell a lie. 

Saturday came and I was leaving. My son-in-law was loading my bags into the back of the van. Meanwhile, I was in the dinning room with my daughter's copy of Home Education in my hand, leafing through it. I was bookmarking some pages for her and leaving the book in a conspicuous place: on top of the buffet.

"What's this?" my daughter exclaimed.

Closing the book and giving it a friendly pat I said, "Oh, just a few helpful words. You might want to read them later."

"Mom. You don't have to beat around the bush with me. What's up?"

"Okay," I said, picking up my purse and turning to go. "I found a page on truth-telling. It's good to understand the different reasons why a child lies, not to be horrified by it and to know how to remedy it. Charlotte Mason's advice reflects a deep sympathy for children. At the same time she stands on high moral ground. I think it will put things in perspective for you."

To my own ears I sounded like a magazine article so I must have to hers. She smiled at her bookish mother. But heavy with unborn baby, and with the stress and anxiety of its complications, I thought she looked weary. I put her on the spot - but tenderly. "Will you read it?" I said. After all, she did ask for it. And I knew it would help - along with her usual method of searching online, with a finger on the tiny screen of the phone she carried around with her. 

"The training of the child in the habit of strict veracity is . . . one that requires delicate care and scrupulosity." *1  

More Tall Tales

The following week she telephoned me. Evidently, while the whole family were in the van, Dad said, as they were about to cross a railroad track, "Look, a train engine is parked on the line."

The seven-year-old loves trains, has an elaborate track set up on his bedroom floor, and is well-versed in Thomas Tank Engine. One glance down the track and he said excitedly, "The coal car's spilled over. The men are shoveling the coal back in the car."

Dad let him down easy. "I don't think so Bud."

Upon hearing this scenario I asked, "Did you read your Charlotte Mason?"

My grandson's cat is funny enough 

"Yes," she said. "And in the car I made my first attempt at correction. She told her son, "You have a wonderful imagination and that's a good - but - we must tell what we see - and nothing more. That's the way we tell the truth."

During the drive home she took advantage of an opportune moment and gave her boys a narration (from memory) of Aesop's fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf," because it demonstrates the importance of honesty. The boys were unusually quiet. They listened intently. (Sophia was a dramatic narrator during our home school years. Therefore, I imagine she told the fable with suspense.)

My grandson continues to inflate the truth (boys like to blow things up bigger) adding immediately afterwards, "Just joking."

"Just joking" is a step in the right direction.
He still needs to learn that "it is possible to be humorous without any sacrifice of truth." *2



One of 6 Causes of Lying

Miss Mason's book, Parents and Children has a larger supply of paragraphs on the duty of truthfulness than Home Education. In it she talks about what she gleaned from an article by an American, Professor Stanley Hall, published in 1891, She must have found his six causes of lying to be enlightening and immensely practical. 

She says:

"Lying arises from secondary causes. . . It is no longer a case of - the child has lied, punish him; but where is the weak place of his character."*3

I found that Cause 5 - "Deceptions of Imagination and Play" particularly suited to my grandson's needs.

A Child's Gesture to Make Life More Interesting

Nothing less than a close observation, and a sympathetic understanding of children could have guided Charlotte Mason's words here:

Let us believe of the children that 'trailing clouds of glory do they come' from the place where all things are possible, where any delightful thing may happen. Let us believe that our miserable limitations of time and space and the laws of matter irk them inconceivably, imprison the free soul as a wild bird in a cage. If we refuse to give the child outlets into the realms of fancy, where everything is possible, the delicate Ariel of his imagination will still work within our narrow limits upon our poor tasks, and every bit of our narrow living is played over with a thousand variations, apt to be more vivid and interesting than the poor facts, and, therefore, more likely to remain with the child as the facts which he will produce when required to speak the truth. *4 

What is the Cure?

The tendency might be to believe that these fanciful children live in a world of too much fiction. And therefore, it would be best to restrict them. Yet, Miss Mason recommends the opposite. Broaden their knowledge with facts, yes. But do not bar them from make-believe, day-dreaming and adventure. Why?

Free Entrance to the Land of Make-believe

How beautifully sensitive I find Miss Mason's discernment to be here:

Give the child free entrance into, abundant joyous living in, the kingdom of make-believe. Let him people every glen with fairies, every island with Crusoes. . . . Let us be glad and rejoice that all things are possible to the children, recognizing . . . their fitness to . . . believe . . . as alas! we cannot do, the things of the kingdom of God. The age of faith is a sowing time, . . .  designed in the Divine scheme of things, especially that parents may make their children at home in the things of the Spirit before contact with the world shall have materialized them.*5 

Narrating Exact Truthfulness

. . . [T]he more imaginative the child, the more essential is it that the boundaries of the kingdom of make believe should be clearly defined, and exact truthfulness insisted upon in all that concerns the narrower world where the grown-ups live. . . . Daily lessons in exact statement without any righteous indignation about misstatements, but warm, loving encouragement to the child who gives a long message quite accurately, who tells you just what Miss Brown said and no more, just what happened at Harry's party without any garnish. Every day affords scope for a dozen little lessons at least, and gradually, the more sever beauty of truth will dawn upon the child whose soul is already possessed by the grace of fiction. *6

Yolanda 1987, New Jersey

In A Charlotte Mason Companion I mention how I needed to provide my little girls the practice of informal narrating, to tell exactly what they observed (outdoors) and nothing more. I mention "girls" plural (on page 137) but I remember it was little-sister Yolanda (age 4-5) who especially could use some truth-telling practice.


Her chance-experience of watching a hungry squirrel (that we had fed with our cookies) run up a tree with a gingerbread man in its mouth helped teach her that truth can be interesting all on its own - and something to smile about.

"You can tell Daddy about it when he gets home," was the invitation I gave to her older sister Sophia. But it was little-sister Yolanda who would benefit,  too.

End Notes
*1  Charlotte Mason, Home Education, page 164
*2  Ibid, pg 166
*3  Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children, page 207
*4  Ibid, pg 210
*5 & *6  Ibid, pg 211



Paintings: Morning in a Pine Wood by Ivan Ivandvich Shishkin, Hide & Seek by Fredrick Eduard Meyerheim, Red Riding Hood and Day Dreaming by Joseph Guy Seymour.

Dean helps tidy up and size all the images for my posts. This time I couldn't resist adding another photograph of Yolanda - one from her wedding day. She hold lilacs in her bouquet. Our children are really with us for such a short time.

Yolanda 2007, Pennsylvania

Post Script
Could your student use practice in narrating exact truthfulness?

I know my readers are gathering ideas. Mindful of this, I prepared this post with chunky quotes, to point out an aspect of character training. I'd like to think that, in some way, this blog is a helpful shoulder to lean on. The desire to disciple our children is what gives many of us the greatest courage to home teach. For further reading see Chapter 16 of A Charlotte Mason Companion, Chapter 19 of Parents and Children. Also "Mrs. Sedley's Tale" page 77 of Formation of Character. 

I wish you steadfastness in love and duty, with rest and Mother Culture mingled in.

'Til We Meet Again.

Opinions are Invited,
Karen Andreola

The Winding Road (a personal chat - Karen Andreola)

"The long and winding road

That leads to your door

Will never disappear" - The Beatles, 1970

It's been awhile since we've visited. I've managed to make it upstairs in the attic to sit in front of my computer and write what has been on my mind.

I was out-of-state helping my daughter with her difficult pregnancy. I was only a little help, really.

I sat around like an old-fashioned granny watching two boisterous little boys. This is because I'd been convalescing with my foot up on chairs - and keeping downstairs.

Not long ago Dean and I were visiting a church. Just as we were taking our places, I missed an unforeseen step. Twisting an ankle, I fell headlong to the floor, hitting my face on the oak pew across the isle. To my dismay, that beautiful spring morning was spent in the ER.. No broken bones, no lost teeth -thankfully. Stitches and bruises are healed by now. But I'm humbled by a small scare where my lip was supper-glued together. Never-mind. It feels good to be able to smile again.

As you can see I'm taking a moment for a personal chat. If you've come looking for informative articles, welcome. I invite you to click around. I hope the articles will encourage you.

May I tell you why the above lyrics came to mind? It will explain why Dean and I took a drive together through the back roads of our neighborhood to take pictures for you today. 

We'd been reading the book of Ruth and hearing sermons on this moving story. It shows that the life of the believer is not a straight highway to heaven. Our journey is more like a winding road, more like the country roads around here, where we live in Pennsylvania.

Here the roads are old ones, roads made in the days when William Penn granted land to settlers looking for religious freedom, Quaker or otherwise. The roads wind around small farms, curve along creeks, go up and down rolling hills. They are obscured by woods or lined with weedy hedgerows.

This time of year the landscape is green and lush. The small farms are full of flowers and mini garden retreats.

Where Are We?
It isn't surprising that tourists to Lancaster County (and even we) who venture onto the "scenic routes" soon find we've lost a sense of direction. The life of the believer can be like this. We can feel lost. But using the lyrics above for my own purposes, the door to heaven will never disappear. In our hearts we believe the promise that it is truly and wonderfully there.

In the book of Ruth we see that life has set-backs. But set-backs are part of God's gracious road to glory. We move forward up and down the road, by faith, even when we cannot see around the bend.

I am trying to accept the set backs in my life and in the life of those I love. I believe that they are part of God's plan. I will admit to asking God, during times of discouragement, how He can expect me to be a faithful Christian with all the, pain, loss and set backs life holds? His answer to St.Paul's repeated prayers to remove the chronic, painful thorn in his flesh was, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness."(2 Corinthians 12:10).

A Turn in the Road
Last year we asked for prayer for our son, Nigel, who was injured. The top treatment for RSD that he had undergone in Philadelphia, failed. Due to the pain of RSD in his hands, Nigel is very limited in what he can do. It is my sorrow to see him unable to use his hands in ways he once enjoyed. Playing piano, driving a car, cooking a meal, riding his mountain bike, fencing, etc. I am reminded of a verse I wove into my story, Lessons at Blackberry Inn (before this injury took place.) "A man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

Happily, when he was a boy, Nigel gave his life to Jesus his Savior. He's kept his faith. This is the most important thing, isn't it? What he can do is use a computer mouse and Wacom tablet with rests in between. He was schooled and received honors in graphic arts and web design, and stays current with the odd college course.

Presently, he is preparing my two stories, Pocketful of Pinecones and its sequel Lessons at Blackberry Inn, for Kindle. It is slow and steady work - but work he does well and gratefully.

When our current stock of Lessons of Blackberry Inn runs out we will no longer be printing a paper edition. If you've been meaning to purchase this story - a summer retreat for the home teacher - in paper, click here.

Joy in the Midst of Trouble
While I was away I enjoyed attending a baby shower for our daughter Sophia at her house. It was hosted by Sophia's sister, Yolanda and Sophia's homeschool friend Shannon. They did a beautiful job. The raspberry filled lemon cake with raspberry frosting, Yolanda's recipe, tasted especially fresh and delicious. (Proof of my opinion is that when Yolanda handed me a leftover piece of cake at the close of the party- I hid it in the very back of Sophia's frig and treated myself with it by petite-fours-sized slices - after my grandchildren were in bed - for three consecutive evenings. Ahh.) I asked Shannon how long she and Sophia have been friends and she told me since they were 11 years-old. That was 22 years ago. Sisters and old friends are a blessing. (And daughters who know how to cook.)

My gift of a homemade quilt is one that had been resting in my Grandmother's Someday Box for some years, saved for whomever the next little girl would be to enter our lives.

I finished knitting the angora baby jacket I started this spring. It is soft and delicate.

 

All I need to do is attach a pink ribbon or a button to the collar. I can't decide which.

Anyway, we are looking forward to meeting the upcoming baby girl soon.

Living Along the Winding Road,
Karen Andreola

How to Overcome a Modern Disadvantage to Learning How to Read

How to Overcome a Modern Disadvantage to Learning How to Read 
 (article length)

I am probably preaching to the choir (again.) But from the comments I’ve received over the years, I know you don’t mind.

On the first warm day of spring the Man-of-the-House treated us with frozen custard at “The Meadows” in Strasburg. Their custard is rich and creamy-scrumptious. Near the ceiling of this little ice cream parlor is a wide-screen TV. While my scoop of rich vanilla was disappearing I said, “Oh, this must be one of those house make-over programs. My menfolk looked up and nodded.

I watched. A man spoke a few words. Then scenes appeared in lightening-sequence. The new owners were demolishing the old kitchen cabinets. Splintered wood crashed to the floor in a cloud of dust. A moment later the wife was picking out wallpaper and paint colors. “What was that color they chose? I didn’t catch it,” I said to my menfolk. “I guess I’ll find out when the show starts.”

“Mom, this is the show,” my adult son said.

“You mean this isn’t the sneak-preview introduction?” I queried.

“No,” he said. “It’s the way shows are made these days. Everything flickers and flashes. I can’t watch it.”

“Neither can I,” I said, disappointed. It jarred my senses. I turned my attention to my melting custard and gazed out a window at the blue sky over the parking lot. 

“How do they film it?” my son wondered, thinking out loud. He was already crunching on his cone.

“Good question,” I said, “It must be a piece-of-work to cut and paste all those separate segments rather than rolling the camera.”

The Man-of-the-House added, “Rolling” is a word associated with film-making of the past.” I felt old.

Today, children aren’t watching the camera roll. What is being made for them (for all of us) is a choppy presentation of individual images on a screen. And with computer games children themselves are in control of the fast-paced animation – a deeply satisfying experience of creating the next and next new experience - a continual feast of novelty. 

I sympathize with this generation of home teachers. Never before has there been such a big disadvantage to teaching a child how to read. The disadvantage is in the form of a multiplicity of irresistible screens. Yet, beautiful books and quality audio are in abundance. Can screens affect the ability of a child to focus on lessons? Children naturally learn at different paces even without any such thing as screens but those who closely study how children learn say “yes.” They see a correlation.

A lack of focus and ability to remember are symptoms of a child spending regular time riveted to fast-paced entertainment. Many television programs and computer games grab attention by a heightened sensory experience. The viewers give involuntary attention. Attention is seized by exaggerated animation – portraying a distorted use of force (slapstick), bold sound effects, dazzling explosions of color, blasts of music, a wide range of emotions – all in a cacophony of vignettes that change hurriedly. It might be surprising to learn that among all this busyness brains are passive while the screen is active. Furthermore, when children are acclimated to the over-stimulation of screens they are set on habits that are antagonistic to academic learning.

Voluntary attention is the kind needed to learn how to read. Dr. Jane M. Healy says,

“Reading involves sustained voluntary attention from a mind that can hold a train of thought long enough to reflect on it, not one accustomed to having its attention jerked around every few seconds.” *1

In comparison to viewing, reading is a slow business. It isn’t instant access to ideas or instant gratification. Accustomed to the “instant” a child may be restless at lessons. He gets impatient with himself. He gives up if he doesn’t immediately get it. Ideas picked up from reading do not seize the reader’s mind like entertainment does. Words on a page stand still. The very fact that they are stationary and not calling attention to themselves make it difficult for some children to focus.

A Skill Developed in Slow Tempo

Photograph by Michael Drummond

The early readers I gave my children have one sentence per page and one picture. The words and pictures are stationary. But the characters are active. A mini plot unfolds with action. A sort of animation is encouraged and launched in the mind of the reader by the vivid verbs in the sentences. Described and pictured in the story might be a dog with its snout wide open, barking at a cat. A boy runs making energetic strides in mid-air in his brand new sneakers. Dad hammers nails as he builds his children a tree house. The children, all smiles, climb into it. They also ride bicycles, throw snowballs, blow out candles on a birthday cake, etc.

With each reading lesson an important critical skill is gaining power. I don’t mean the decoding of phonic blends or the recognition of sight-words (although this is necessary work, too – and basic). The skill I’m talking about is imagining. With each lesson the ability to imagine gains power. This important skill is what holds the interest of a reader – at this slow tempo. The fruit of this skill, developed by slowness, is mental perseverance.

Imagination-animation

Screens make the power to imagine unnecessary. All the work is done for us. With reading the act of imagining not only keeps the reader connected with the text “but also it is a very practical way to keep track of and remember what has been read.” *2 This is why reading aloud to children, for some years prior to reading lessons, is immensely helpful. Children need lots and lots of good slow exposure to language. It starts them developing their powers of imagination as their minds create pictures from the words read to them – pictures other than those in the picture books. It gives them experience at projecting things and animating things - on “the screen of imagination.”*3

Later children will read books with no pictures. Living books for history and science as well-written fiction, will contain sensory language: words and phrases that describe action, sounds, colors, smells, textures, and emotions. All this must be interpreted by our brains in our imagination.*4

Some children have the ability to bend their brains around the written word, easily. It magically makes sense. They piece together phonic clues, nouns, verbs and pictures, within the grammar of a simple sentence. Others, including bright children, have a hard time of it. Readiness and ability vary greatly. Susan Schaeffer Macaulay says that reading lessons “should be carried out in a friendly, quiet, regular, and structured way. A child should never be made to feel that he is lagging behind others of his age.”*5

Patience Does More Than Push

Turning seven - Maryland - April 1996

Given the same lessons some students, boys for one, will crawl forward and not without much effort. Such was the case with my son. (I had taught two girls before him.) Patience was my friend. Practice was his. But it must be interesting practice. I remember sitting beside Nigel on the sofa daily, listening to him read aloud, around the age of 7 to 8. I tried not to sigh or interrupt (unless I was asked a word). I tried to not let my thoughts race ahead to all the many other things needing attending-to before lunch. I sat back comfortably and enjoyed the experience. He took his time within a reasonably short lesson. He could relate to the characters and plot of the little story. They held his interest. The sense of accomplishment he derived from his effort was a quiet happiness for both of us. From what has reached my ears over the last 30 years this crawling-issue with boys is not uncommon – even up to the age of ten or so. Slow is a legitimate "way to go."


Miss Charlotte Mason says,

We forget how contrary to nature it is for a little child to occupy himself with dreary hieroglyphics – all so dreadfully alike! – when the world is teeming with interesting objects which he is agog to know. But we cannot excuse our volatile Tommy, nor is it good for him that we should. It is quite necessary he should know how to read; and not only so – the discipline of the task is altogether wholesome for the little man. At the same time, let us recognize that learning to read is to many children hard work, and let us do what we can to make the task easy and inviting.*6

Limited Animation - A Step-down

In the pre-computer, pre-gadget days, I learned that television had an affect on a child’s ability to focus during lessons. Therefore, I was careful. I rationed screen-time like I rationed sweets. I developed ear-skills over eye skills with reading aloud, conversation, singing, music and audio. And the outdoors was a sensory experience for them.

When we lived in England (1980s) my little girls watched limited animation such as the early BBC TV Postman Pat. Years later my son watched the early Thomas Tank Engine videos narrated by Ringo Starr. Both of these (stop-motion) programs have since been “improved” for modern viewers. A favorite of ours is the British clay-mation film Wind in the Willows (based on Kenneth Grahame's classic story). We enjoyed, too, the television series with further adventures made up about Mole, Ratty, Toad and Badger. We had books with all of these story characters.

Although they are becoming rarer in the U.S.A. you can still find copies of Wind in the Willows and The Tales of Beatrix Potter (another favorite of ours) on DVD. (Look for versions that are region 1 - U.S.A. compatible). Beautifully produced these programs are a decided step-down compared to today’s techno utopia.

When the children were older on Friday evening we'd watch an old movie together as a family – with popcorn. If you asked my children what Saturday morning cartoons are, they couldn’t tell you. Although I tried to use video sparingly I was discrete. I followed guidelines I made up for myself. It was just how we lived.

Arm Yourself

In March our grandsons were digging for diamonds in their front garden.

You might decide that you would like your child be more screen-deprived than he is. Consequently, he may experience symptoms of withdraw.

First, arm yourself with the notion that it is okay for people (adults and children) to be uncomfortably bored, even bored stiff.

Second, it is okay to make messes. Cleaning up afterwards is a worthwhile activity too. It’s training in orderliness.

Active, creative brains bounce back and forth between boredom and creativity.

A list of alternative activities will suggest themselves to you. Recently, the Man-of-the-House and I were driving along a country road between two wide fields. The wind was blowing steadily across them. “This would be the perfect place and the perfect day for a kite,” he said. I agreed. When we returned home I decided kite-flying would add a light touch to the end of a serious article and found a painting by John George Brown. His children seem to have kite-flying-clumsiness in common with Charlie Brown, don’t they?

End Notes

*1, 2, 3   Jane M. Healy, Ph.D., Endangered Minds – from the insightful chapter: “Sesame Street and the Death of Reading,” pages 231, 232.

*4  Exercises in recognizing and writing with sensory language are provided in my book Story Starters – for 4th grade up to high school.

*5  Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, For the Children’s Sake, page 36. I have an autographed copy.

*6  Charlotte Mason, Home Education, page 214 The chapter on reading could be quite helpful to you.

Lavender Strawberries

Here you see Stacey’s Lavender Strawberry Sachets. Her mother sent her a kit for Christmas. It looks like Stacey is getting ready to make another set of sachets with the pretty fabric on her table in colors also in keeping with springtime. Thank you, Stacey, for sending us your photograph. You’ve brightened my day.

Feel free to share my article with this generation of concerned mothers.
If you like to read product reviews see below.

Until next time,
Karen Andreola 

Captivated – finding freedom in a media captive culture

Review by Karen Andreola

After viewing Captivated several years back and reviewing it for CBD I went on a buying spree. I bought a quantity to share. I’ve since given them all away.

Its message urges us to establish screen-time guidelines. Technology is a good thing but caution is needed. Christians and unbelievers alike are recognizing the powerful pull media has over the behavior of young children, teens and adults. The influence of screens, media and gadgetry is stronger than we like to think. Beginning with our littlest and most impressionable children it can quickly produces both aggressiveness and inattentiveness. It can distract teens and adults enough to mar productivity and hinder spiritual well-being.

If we humbly look how captivated we’ve become by screens we’ll be more open to heed the warning to control them so that they do not control us. Authors, pastors and people in different walks of life, reasonably and candidly share why to unplug. Although many a tragic story of serious addiction could be told, it is not told here. In this message reason, not sensationalism, pleads with us to make choices – big or small.

Media can drive a wedge in relationships as it isolates us in our own little worlds. And yet, seeing the faces of our friends on-line makes us “feel” sociable. How far we’ve come from the days of neighborhood play and of talking over the fence.

After listening to the comments in the extended interviews a conviction arose in my heart. I sought to make application to my own life. I enjoy visiting blogs and window shopping online but chose to unplug at least one or two days a week. May the message of Captivated be a blessing to you.